Rhythm and Blues: Case 1.
“The Caper of the Ultra Rare Candies”
(Time: 2:05 PM. Sunday. Castelia City, Unova. Castelia City Police Department HQ.)
(Rhythm and Blues exit their squad car and enter the front door of Police Station in hopes that the clues they have collected are enough to make some headway in this case.)
Jerry: You two are late!
Rhythm: Fuck off Jerry…
Blues: Sorry for being late Jerry, we spent a little longer collecting clues then we thought we would.
Rhythm: What are you apologizing for?! He is the one getting on our ass for being what, an hour late?
Blues: And bickering at him isn’t going to help anything either! Just ignore him Rhythm, he is only doing his job…
Rhythm: Feh… Let’s just show what we got to the Commissioner…
Jerry: Thank you Blues, I told him that so many times, he just refuses to listen to anything I say...
(Blues knocks on Gruffit’s office door.)
Com.Gruffit: Ah! That must be Rhythm and Blues, let them in Folksong.
(Folksong opens the door to let the boys in.)
Rhythm: Jerry… I swear to Arceus! I’m gonna hit you so hard that you’ll fly to the fuckin’ Moon! You can make friends with
all of the Clefairys when you get there too!
Com.Gruffit: Dammit Rhythm! Stop fighting with Jerry! Jerry, stop picking apart at Rhythm’s dimwittedness!
Rhythm: The fuck?! Who’s side are you on Commish!?
Com.Gruffit: The winning side, which is my own side! Now close the door and don’t worry about him…
Rhythm: Yeah sir…
(The door closes and the boys are seated.)
Country: Welcome back y’all, how did the searching go for info go?
Rhythm: Ehh… I’m not sure, we got some clues but I don’t know if they’ll be that useful…
Com.Gruffit: Anything can be useful Rhythm, just show us what you two got.
Blues: I’ll start off if you don’t mind Rhythm.
Rhythm: Nah, go ahead, this Detective shit is too much for me and I need a break after all that happened. I’ll jump in if
Blues: Alright then. Now, after we left HQ Rhythm took ahold of the squad car and started driving around the more
scummy areas of Castelia City like a madman…
Rhythm: Look, I told you, Sandy and Squirts close and open at odd times!
Com.Gruffit: Sandy and Squirts?
Country: Ah! Y’all visited S n’ S ehh? Did they give you any valuable info?
Com.Gruffit: Excuse me for a moment, but are those two the drug informants that you told me about Country?
Country: Yea sir, that’d be right.
Rhythm: They gave us this strange little piece of paper.
Blues: It said “Believe in ME”
Folksong: Yes we know, but what does it mean? We gave it to Jerry and not even he could decipher it.
Blues: That’s where I came in with a brilliant plan. You see, after getting the wrapper from Sandy and Squirts we headed
towards Master’s home to meet up with Tetsuo to see if he could get us any extra information.
Rhythm: We got some pretty interesting stuff.
Blues: For one, we had Tetsuo scan the wrapper via his chemical scanner and found some compounds in the laced Rare
Candies that Team Plasma once used in their obedience pills. The strand was called Plasma 2-38, and the wrapper we were
given smelt that of Sulfur
Country: Aww shit, sounds like somebody got ahold of Plasma’s old sciencey stuff…
Folksong: Okay, so this drug lord who is making these things must know what they’re doing…
Rhythm: And then either Blues had a stork or an epiphany, because he figured out what that message means.
Blues: With the help of Tetsuo of course. Seeing of he holds the no holds bar fighter ring, The Devil’s Pit, I asked him to
let me see the medical records of the opponents he fought against. I figured that his opponents would do almost anything
to win at least one battle against him, so the odds of a small handful of the fighters taking performance enhancement
drugs like the laced Rare Candies may had been high. Luckily he noticed the effects on the ones he fought. Tetsuo told me
that the Pokemon that were capable of Mega Evolution would get the highest boost from the Ultra Rare Candies. At this
point I put two and two together and discovered that the “ME” in “Believe in ME” stood for Mega Evolution, thus, coming
to the conclusion that these laced Rare Candies are being given out to Pokemon that can Mega Evolve to somehow truly
awaken their Mega powers.
Com.Gruffit: Interesting… Seems like you two found out a lot in the spend of only a few hours. I’m impressed!
Blues: Thank you sir.
Country: Only question is did you get any details on what the guys who gave Sandy and Squirts the Candies look like?
Rhythm: They weren’t very clear on the details, but they did say a few things like this; It was a Swampert with a odd
mask over his face, a Pinsir with an X-mark cut over his face, and a Scizor with a lazy wandering left eye. All Pokemon
that can Mega Evolve at that too.
Com.Gruffit: ...Did you say… A Swampert?
Rhythm: Yeah… Why do you know who we are talking about?
Com.Gruffit: Did he somehow get ahold of your phone number and call you?
Rhythm: Yeah he did!
Com.Gruffit: Does his voice sound odd and distorted?
Rhythm: Yeppers! ..Wait… How do you know this!?
Blues: Indeed, how do you know this sir?
Com.Gruffit: ...Because he use to work here…
(There is a gasp and long silence.)
Com.Gruffit: Yes, it’s true, his name is Bane… He was my pattern a long time ago.
Blues: What happened to him sir? If I may ask…
Com.Gruffit: Drugs is what happened to him! He use to an honorable cop, but then he started to become crooked… Taking
bribes, getting a cut of the drug money, and doing said drugs himself… AND ON MY DESK TOO!
Rhythm: Sounds like fun! I mean… That’s horrible sir…
Com.Gruffit: I reported him and he was caught sometime later while making some drugs in his little safe house…
Blues: And what did he make?
Com.Gruffit: Laced Rare Candies.
Blues: Looks like we found our criminal scumbag of the day.
Rhythm: That’s all fine and dandy Blues, but we don’t know where the fuck he is hiding!
Blues: That is providing a problem at the moment isn't it?
Rhythm: No, you think?
Blues: Commish, do you have any idea where he could be hiding?
Rhythm: Yeah, like are any of his old hideouts still up and running?
Com.Gruffit: Hmm… I can’t think of any at the moment, but I know of one place where he liked to hang out in.
Com.Gruffit: Seeing how Bane liked to have a “good time”, I’m pretty sure his location would be in Nimbasa City, near the
boardwalk carnie area.
Rhythm: Oh! I know where that is!
Blues: Oh great, we get to go back to Nimbasa…
Rhythm: Hey, I at least know where we are going now! I see shady motherfukers all over that place. I’m sure if we see
those buggy shitheads we’ll know it’s them.
Blues: Sigh… Well, I guess we’ll get going then…
Com.Gruffit: Just a moment you two, I need to give you some extra fire power.
Rhythm: Oh shit! We gonna bust some heads?! Can I get a shotgun!?
Blues: No, you get to sit back and watch, while I handle this in a professional manner.
Rhythm: But… Shotgun Rain!
Blues: No! We settle things with words first not bullets!
Rhythm: What if I use my words, with the treat of bullets?
Blues: Arceus… Strike me down now…
Com.Gruffit: No Blues, Rhythm is right for once, if things get ugly you’ll need the extra firepower to back you up.
Rhythm: Oh yeah! Shotgun Rain for me!
(Com.Gruffit hands Rhythm and Blues some shotgun shells, bulletproof vests, and a sniper rifle.)
Blues: Bulletproof vests and a Sniper Rifle? Really sir?
Com.Gruffit: Yes Blues! You don’t want lose a thumb… It’s that right Johnson?
Johnson: Yeah it sucks!
Rhythm: Okay! We got our guns, let’s Narc out!
(Rhythm grabs Blues by the collar, dragging him to the car.)
Com.Gruffit: If you two need any kind of backup at all, don’t hesitate to call us, we’ll take these assholes down for good…
We aren’t going to make the same mistake like last time…
Rhythm: Not if I get to blow a hole in his head first!
Blues: My, bloodthirsty today aren’t we?
(Rhythm puts on his bulletproof vest and loads his weapons)
Rhythm: Look, the last time I got to fire a shotgun was when Team Plasma was rioting in the streets after releasing
Kyurem and nearly freezing all of Unova into a winter wasteland! It’s about damn time I get to shot these thing off.
Blues: Remember, let’s time and settle this with words and diplomacy first.
Rhythm: And if that fails?
Blues: Then I’ll let you bust some heads…
Rhythm: Hell yes! Come on, I know where to start looking first as well!
Blues: Does it involve a shady guy in the side of an alleyway?
Rhythm: No not really, this guy I know doesn’t have to be a shady asshole.
Blues: You sure?
Rhythm: Yeah, I’m sure.
Blues: Can I ask you something Rhythm?
Rhythm: Sure thing.
Blues: Why don’t you even wear an actual Unovan Police uniform?
Rhythm: Because I’m a Street Cop, I can’t wear anything that is going to set off the criminals out there.
Blues: I understand that, but the concept of your casual clothes are undermined by your obvious police badge that you
Rhythm: ...Well fuck you that’s why…
(The car starts up and drives down the street, quickly making it’s way back to Nimbasa City.)
(Time: 2:53 PM. Sunday. Nimbasa City, Unova. Carni Corner.)
Blues: So who is first on our little shit list…
Rhythm: That’d be Irwin, he is a tough looking stoner Meowth with nasty blonde dreads.
Blues: Ech… Sounds like a real stand up guy…
Rhythm: Laugh if you must, but that guy is probably the coolest Meowth I met in Nimbasa City, he helped me get into my
apartment, and he let me crash with him from time to time. If there is anyone that would know about new shady things in
Nimbasa, it’d be him.
Blues: Is he another informative?
Rhythm: Actually no, he is just a random Pokemon who says out of the police’s way… For the most part.
Blues: So I’m guessing he isn’t trustworthy.
Rhythm: Depends on the mood he is in…
Blues: Oh great…
Rhythm: Keep an eye out for his nasty dreads Blues. I’m looking for him in these general direction, but I can’t see his
Blues: It amazing me just how you can go to correct cop speak, and then right back to street talk like it was nothing… You
really do butcher the english language you know that?
Rhythm: I’ll ignore that witty crack… Just look for him okay, it’s like late in the afternoon and I’m not sure if he is out
Blues: Why do all of your “friends” have time limits on when you can talk to them? Are you sure they aren't trying to hide
something that we need to know about?
Rhythm: Because he’s got a job.
Blues: Like what? Operating the Tilt-a-Whirl?
Rhythm: Well… So? So what if he runs the Tilt-a-Whirl? It doesn’t matter, if makes an honest enough living.
Blues: Running a carnival ride and living in a trailer isn’t what I can an honest living… Hell I can’t even call that a DECENT
(Blues pokes his head out the window to see an sickly looking male Meowth with greasy blonde dreadlocks performing some
carnival con tricks.)
Blues: Is this that guy Rhythm?
Rhythm: Yeah! That’s him, let’s pull up and ask him some questions.
Blues: Wow… Look at all of these “totally innocent people” running away at the sight of a police car… I’m sure they aren’t
hiding anything from us.
Rhythm: Hey. give em’ a break, the Nimbasa Cops are kinda mean here…
Blues: As in “mean” you mean, “doing their jobs” right?
Rhythm: Don’t get snippy with me, I know this place like the back of my hand! If I wasn’t here, you’d be on the Battle
Subway for hours looking in all the wrong places! So let me just do my thing okay? Nimbasa isn’t the shithole you like to
think it is.
Blues: If we were in the main parts of Nimbasa, I wouldn’t of said anything, but when you see hookers on the streets
randomly, you know something is very wrong here… Like I don’t know, you're in the “bad side” of town?
(The boys walk on up to Irwin for a quick chat.)
Rhythm: Yo! Irwin! What’s shaking baby?
Irwin: Aww snap it’s Rhythm! How you doing there brother?
Rhythm: I’m doing okay, will actually I’m a bit on the job right now…
Irwin: Uhh… I have to ask, who is this crazy cat with the wicked face paint making on his face?
Blues: I am Detective Blues of the Castelia City PD.
Irwin: Are you his new pattern?
Blues: Yes I am, unfortunately…
Irwin: Yeah I know, Rhythm is a pretty fly guy, but is a bit of a chucklehead…
Rhythm: Eat a dick… Both of you…
Irwin: Oh pump your breaks there baby, I was only kidding, I know you are a good guy. Now, I guess gonna be guessing
that you two fine officers have come down here to ask me some questions?
Blues: That is correct, we have a lead that the culprit we are looking for is somewhere located in Nimbasa, particularly
this general area.
Irwin: I’m guessing you cats are looked for the very ungroovy druggy selling them lace Rare Candies to the populus.
Rhythm: So you already know what’s up Irwin?
Irwin: Sadly I do… The lady in my apartment got into an argument with her man because he was trying to compete in the
Nimbasa City Gym with his Master by knocking back some of them Candies. That argument ended in some domestic abuse,
and then screams of horror.
Blues: Did the male O.D.?
Irwin: I’m not sure, but that cat got so ripped that his muscles starting tearing themselves apart in the most grisly
fashion! At least that what I over heard the policeman say. Is that what O.D.ing does to them?
Rhythm: I hate to say it, but yeah it does…
Irwin: Heavy man…
Blues: Indeed, this is why we need to find this guys, lock them up, and get these laced Rare Candies out of Unova. We
wanted to ask is there any kind of info you go on these current events?
Irwin: Hmm… I’m trying to think now…
Rhythm: We ain’t gonna bribe you with money Irwin so don’t think about it…
Irwin: No, I’m not a scumbag like that, I don’t like these cats in Nimbasa myself, I’m just trying to think where I last saw
some freaky shit going down.
Blues: Try not to linger too long, time is ticking.
Irwin: Well, I think I remember seeing a set up on a street corner, it was run by some Bug looking Pokemon.
Rhythm: Where they are Pinsir and Scizor?
Irwin: I think so, but I only got a quick look at them, it was raining pretty hard when they set up the stand…
Blues: What street corner where those crooks on?
Irwin: I believe on Candy Corner.
Blues: Candy… Corner… Is that some Nimbasa slang I need to know?
Irwin: Nah Mr. Detective, it’s called Candy Corner because it’s where all of the Ma and Pop candy stores are, it’d make
good cover for druggy.
Rhythm: But ain’t that street mainly a family area? You know, with kids roaming about? Surely their parents would know if
something bad was going down.
Irwin: I’m not sure Rhythm, but I know for sure that’s where they might be.
Rhythm: Okay! Let’s go bust caps in their asses!
Blues: Wait! First we analyze the situation, then we use diplomacy.
Rhythm And if it fail then we blast them.
Rhythm: Uhgg! ...Fine… We’ll go slow…
Irwin: Hold up officers, I think you may need stronger firepower.
Rhythm: We got shotgun shells, what else do we need?
Irwin: Let me rephrase that, what I meant to say was, you two may need stronger bullets.
Blues: What are you implying?
Irwin: You two are going up against Bugs, they got hard exoskeletons, normal bullets aren’t going to work that well baby, I
got what you two cats need.
(Irwin opens up his trenchcoat in a flasher like way, to reveal that he is carrying a large assortment of different caliber
Blues: Holy shit! Why are you walking around with all of these bullets on you?! Do you WANT to get arrested!? You can’t
even get some of these bullets in the greater Unovan metro area!
Irwin: That’s why I went to the Desert Badlands to get bigger calibers silk.
Rhythm: I agree with Blues, you better have a damn good reason for carrier around that many bullets!
Irwin: Do you know how much money them Nimbasa Cops pay me to get bullets? I could finally move into the nicer parts of
Nimbasa, and maybe get a view of that sexy Gym Leader Elesa. I’d put a shock in her system… Mmm!
Blues: Can you keep your interspecies romance to yourself please…
Irwin: What? Your friend Rhythm wants to do terrible things to Tenka, your sexy dragoness mother. Tell me Rhythm, if
any of your younger horny wet dreams came true and you got with Tenka, would that make you a legit motherfucker?
Blues: PPFTTTT! Heheheh!
Rhythm: WE AREN’T RELATED BY BLOOD! How many times do I have to tell you that! And even so, I’d never stoop that
Blues: That’s not what you said earlier...
Rhythm: Hey Blue? How about a nice warm cup of shut the fuck up! Look let’s just drop the subject, you gonna give us the
bullets or what?!
Irwin: I will… For a price…
Blues: Oh… Here we go…
Rhythm: UGH! What do you want Irwin!
Irwin: It’s not money I’m after baby, it’s something better than that, and I know you have it!
Rhythm: That would be…?
Irwin: I want that issue of Pokemilfs 2014, I know you carry that with you everywhere…
Blues: Are you serious?!
Rhythm: Really? ...Okay… Huh, what month do you want?
Rhythm: No! Fuck you! I love Milftails!
Blues: Are we really doing this…?
Irwin: I love Milftails more, I’ll give you everything and anything in my inventory you two cat may need if you gimme that
one thing; besides, you can just whack it to the Milf in December.
Blues: Dare I ask, but who is the Milf in December…
Rhythm: ...Uhh… M-Mama Tenka…
Rhythm: Yeah, it’s her birthday month so she is on there, she is dressed in a really skimpy holiday outfit, not to mention
the candy cane is in between her huge breasts as she licks the top with her long serpent tongue like she is giving he-
Blues: Okay so moving on… Just give him the Milftails picture…
Rhythm: But she is wearing a red bandana barely covering her breasts while wearing daisy dukes! All as she is bending over
washing a black sports car! It’s the best picture in the whole set!
Irwin: Which is why I want it!
Rhythm: No! It’s mine!
Blues: … Hey Rhythm… Tell me, does this hurt?
Rhythm: What hurts Bl-
(Blues sucker punches Rhythm so hard that he passes out cold on the concrete street. Blues then carefully tears out the
August calendar in disgust and hands it to Irwin.)
Irwin: Goodness! That was violent...
Blues: Here… Now can we get the AP bullets please?
Irwin: Of course! Take as much as you need my friend! Oh by the way, is Rhythm gonna be okay?
Blues: Don’t worry, I hit him in the hardest part on his body, his head… He’ll fine once he gets up in a few moments…
Irwin: Oh… That Milftails! Say, you think I can get that picture of Mama Tenka too?
(Blues points his gun at Irwin’s head.)
Blues: You got what you wanted, don’t be greedy you mangy cat… And have a little respect for my mother...
Irwin: *Glup* Ehh, I knew it wouldn’t hurt to ask…
(Rhythm gets back up, dazed and confused, struggling to get on his two feet.)
Rhythm: ...Ohhh… My head… Ahh, did someone get the license plate of that truck that hit me…?
Blues: Don’t worry about it right now, just grab your AP ammo and let’s head over to Candy Corner, we got mooks to deal
Rhythm: Ah, okay, But I still feel a little dizzy…
(With their newly upgraded bullets, Rhythm and Blues walk down to Candy Corner to see if what Irwin said is true or not.)
Rhythm: What’s up Blues?
(Blues looks around to scan the area, he spots some little kids eating sugary snacks, skipping and playing, just having a
good time. In the window of a shadier looking red roofed building, Blues spots an slizzy Ekans shaking in place like a drug
addict while talking to what appears to be a Bug Pokemon.)
Blues: Druggy and dealer at 4 o’clock Rhythm, let’s sneak up quietly
Rhythm: But I got my shotgun loaded man!
Blues: Calm down Rhythm, let’s just wait here for a moment or two.
Rhythm: You love to take the fun out of everything don’t you Blues…
Ekans: Ekans would like a Rare Candy please.
Drug Dealer: Sign… No, Ekans please go away, I gave you like two today.
Ekans: Rare Candy please…
Drug Dealer: Why aren’t you working in the Pokemon economy hustling for your money eh?!
Ekans: Gimme that, gimme that…
(The Ekans starts rustling around in the dealer’s pockets.)
Ekans: I smell it in your jeans pocket!
Drug Dealer: What the fuck Ekans!? NO! You can only get two a day!
Ekans: Rare Candy, Please!
Blues: Excuse me gentlemen.
Drug Dealer: O-Oh… Hi Officers! How’s it hanging?
Blues: Nothing much, we just want to see your merchandise for a moment that’s all.
(The dealer closes the box of Rare Candies.)
Drug Dealer: Oh would you look at the time, my shift is over! Too bad, I have to go now guys, it was fun!
(Rhythm: Sticks his shotgun in the dealer’s face.)
Rhythm: What’s the rush bucko? We just wanna see your goodies! ...No Homo..
Blues: Did you really just say that…
Rhythm: Old habits die hard, I’m sorry… Anyway, back to you, open the damn chest and let us take a peek or I’ll buck you
in the face with my slugs!
Drug Dealer: Okay! Chill out for a minute m’kay? I-I’ll open it...
(The dealers opens the chest, the Ekans lunges towards the chest and steals out of the dealer’s hands and makes a
beeline for the street.)
Ekans: Gimme that! My Rare Candies!
Drug Dealer: Dammit Ekans! I’ll kill you!
(Rhythm knocks out the dealer with the butt of his shotgun as Blues chases down the Ekans.)
Blues: Get back here!
Rhythm: STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!
(The two case down the Ekans into a cornered alleyway.)
Blues: Put the chest down Ekans…
Blues: ...You just spit all over my face with that hiss...
Rhythm: Oh! You wanna do this the hard way ehh? *Cocks his shotgun* Let’s dance shitlord!
Blues: Wait Rhythm, let me handle this.
Blues: I got this, just calm down.
(Blues walks slowly over to the Ekans, Blues starts to emit a dark energy cloud that surrounds the Ekans and himself.
Blues’ illusion is now set up)
Ekans: *Cough* *cough* Are you trying you trying to poison Ekans?!
that won’t work on him!
???: No my sweet, I’m not trying to do that.
Ekans: My word… That sweet voice! Is that my sweet Sabrina Arbok?!
(The smoke disappears as Blues uses his illusion powers to make himself look like an female Arbok.)
Sabrina: Yes my dear little snake skin!
Rhythm: What the fuck is going on…?!
Ekans: I must be dreaming! Ekans can’t believe that you are right here with me!
Sabrina: Well, here I am! Now sweetie, what are you doing with all of those Rare Candies?
Ekans: Ekans wanted to eat the Rare Candies in order to evolve into a Charrrrbok, so I could meet you have you gave
Ekans a loving footjob with your feet!
Rhythm: ECCHH! Oh sick! This dude has a feet fetish!
Sabrina: Rhythm shhsh! Oh sweetheart, you don’t have to evolve for me to give you a *gag* f-footjob… As long as the man
I date shows me a good time, I’ll always reward them with my sweet soles.
Ekans: Ekans would like to do it right now please!
Sabrina: Yeah… Not gonna happen… Now Rhythm!
Rhythm: KIYEAH! BIYOCH!
(Rhythm’s running jump kick knocks the Ekans on the floor as Rhythm cuffs his hands and feet together!)
Rhythm: You under arrest asshole! And by the way Blues, that was the gayest shit I’ve ever seen and heard…
Blues: It was my illusion magic you idiot, it’s how I avoid firefights and get criminals to tell me what’s up. Plus, unlike you, I
don’t have to blow off heads to do my job!
Ekans: What’s going on?! Where is my lovely Sabrina!?
Blues: She was never here to begin with you scalie fool, it was me using my illusion magic to trick your mind so my pattern
could tackle you to the ground with relative ease.
Ekans: Ekans doesn’t like your tricky tricks fox cop…
Blues: You aren’t the first one to tell me that.Rhythm take him to the car, I’ll get the dealer that I knocked out a few moments before.
Ekans: But you two don’t understand! I need these Rare Candies so I can evolve into a Charrrrbok!
Rhythm: What’s a Charrrrbok?
Blues: An Arbok you dummy.
Rhythm: Sorry, couldn’t really concentrate with him hissing spit in my face!
Ekans: Ekans is sorry…
Rhythm: Keep your weirdo fantasies to yourself boy…
Blues: Look who’s talking!
Rhythm: Shut it! Come on buddy, its off to the squad car for you!
Blues: P.S. I heard that Sabrina Arbok is a major bitch in real life…
Rhythm: Yeah she is, but then again she is incredibly vain and only cares for herself.
(Rhythm takes the Ekans to the car, while Blues picks up the Pawniard drug dealer.)
Pawniard: Ahhggg… My face…
Blues: Hey razorface, get your ass up, you are under arrest.
Pawniard: PPFTTT! Haha! I’m a Steel type you shit! You normal little bullet’s will have no effect no me!
(Blues shoots the Pawniard in the knee cap.)
Pawniard: AAAAHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Blues: AP rounds, so unless you want another bullet in the other kneecaps you hobble you ass into this squad car!
Pawniard: Okay, okay! I’m going! Owww… Right in the knee…
Rhythm: Wow Blues, I didn’t know you could be so cold blooded!
Blues: I don’t like dealing with bullshit, we can go ahead and add resisting arrest to his criminal record.
Rhythm: You want me to call the “Patty Wagon” to pick these bozos up?
Blues: Yes please, I want to take a peek at those Rare Candies first before they get here first though.
Rhythm: But why? We already know that these are the same candies, do you really need to look again.
Blues: I have to look through things at least three times to make sure I see every possible thing Rhythm.
Rhythm: Oh, so you’re one of those assholes that has to fine tooth and comb everything you see ehh?
Blues: I have to in this line of Detective work, if I didn’t I won’t be doing my job.
Rhythm: You sure that just isn’t your OCD talking Blues?
Blues: Quiet you…
(A large police van pulls up next to Rhythm and Blues’ squad car. Stepping out of the van labeled the “Patty Wagon” see a
seasons Human police officer, Ryan O'Malley, equipped with almost looks like heavy assault gear. Inside the Patty Wagon
is Officer Raymond Rivera who is fiddling with the police scanner.)
O'Malley: Oh hoi there laddies, was it you two that call me to this stop here?
Rhythm: Yeah O'Malley, we caught some jokers over here that were selling some of those laced Rare Candies.
O'Malley: Ay, Comish Gruffit briefed me on those details earlier, me and officer Rivera have been busy all this morning
rounding up these drug dealers… I haven’t seen such an fast outbreak of these laced candies in a long time; everything
just happened overnight!
Blues: The people behind this have their hands on some of Team Plasma’s old tech for making pills.
O'Malley: That makes sense, the R and D lab pretty much said that the chucklehead behind this one are using some very
powerful stuff. You two know who it’d be?
Rhythm: I think the Commish said his name was… Kane…? I think…
Blues: It’s Bane, Rhythm…
Rhythm: Right, what did I say?
O'Malley: Kane Laddy… But nevermind that. So, it’s old Bane eh? That bastard finally managed to get himself out of the
Blues: He broke out?
O'Malley: Ay, Bane was one of those odd Pokemon that found out a way to Mega Evolve without the help of a Trainer;
made him a terror in the streets it did, took nearly 15 officers to wear him down, and about 8 to wrestle him to the
ground and cuff him.
Blues: ...That didn’t sound like fun...
Rhythm: Gruffit said he was once his partner, is this true O'Malley? I mean, you’ve been on the force longer than both of
O'Malley: This be correct. Those two were like brothers they were so close, but that Bane had gotten use to being a
crooked cop and you know what they say; once a tree grows crooked, it’ll never be straight again… I’m afraid Bane never
went back to being his old self; I felt mostly sorry for the Commish, he never really got over Bane betraying us like that,
Rivera: O’ Malley! We going some more druggy to pick up on 42nd Street, come on let’s go!
O'Malley: Okay Lad, Well, didn’t mean to talk ya ears off, let me go grab this Ekans and Pawniard so we can be on our way.
Blues: It’s always good to hear from you O’ Malley, be safe sir.
O'Malley: Pfftt! Don’t you lads worry about little old me, I’ll be fine and if something goes down, Rivera has got me back in
any pinch! I’m just a tad worry about you two with going after Bane and all. I know he is an old man now much like the
Commish, but he still ain’t nothing to sneeze at laddies. I want you two to promise me that if things be getting sticky for
both of ya, to call be and Rivera for back up boys.
Rivera: It’s true man, Bane es muy loco, and I know that the Commish doesn’t want to see you two get seriously hurt.
Rhythm: We’ll call you if anything goes south.
Blues: You mean I’ll call them Rhythm, you have the memory of a retarded Magikarp.
Rivera: PPPFTTTT HA!
Rhythm: Wow… Thanks for the moral boost Blues…
O'Malley: Okay you two bozos get in the Patty Wagon.
Ekans: Ekans would like a Rare Candy please…
Pawniard: Oh would you shut the fuck up already?!
Ekans: I can see it in your jeans pocket…
Pawniard: Again… Those are my FUCKING CAR KEYS!
Ekans: ...Gimme that…
O'Malley: Is there something wrong with this Ekans lads?
Pawniard: Officer please! Don’t put me in the same car with this guy, he is obsessed with some horny Arbok lady that
gives footjobs or something, and he’s crazy!
O’ Malley: How did you get the hole in your knee lad?
Pawniard: Yakuza Face over here shot me! I call police brutality!
Blues: Again with the Yakuza Face…?
O’ Malley: How, you’re a part Steel type are you not? his normal bullets from a 9mm isn’t enough to pierce your skin.
Blues: Correction, I don’t use a 9mm, I use a Revolver.
O’ Malley: Why kind of Revolver?
Blues: A custom made Colt Anaconda .44 Magnum, double action, holds 9 rounds, I used an AP round because he refused to
let me see the case of drugs.
Rhythm: The fuck?! You got a Magnum!?
Blues: I don’t fire it often, it’s used as a scare tactic, I but that’s not to say I don’t have enough ammo to back myself up
in a pickle.
Rhythm: And you complain that I have a issues with weapons, you can blast a fuckers head clean off with that hand cannon
Blues: Well, I’m good at my job, so I can chose what handgun I want to use.
Rhythm: Are you trying to say something?!
Blues: Not particularly.
Pawniard: I-I can’t feel my leg!
O’ Malley: Oh hush up you, tis merely a flesh wound laddy, you'll live until we get ya down to the station.
Pawniard: HOW IS GETTING BLASTED BY A MAGNUM IN THE KNEECAP A “FLESH WOUND”?!
O’ Mallery: Because it’s an non-fatal wound that’s why.
(O’ Malley tosses the Pawniard into the Patty Wagon and gets back into it quickly.)
O’ Malley: Okay laddies, We got to get going now. Like I said before, it you two need back up, don’t hesitate to call us.
Blues: We won’t O’ Malley.
(The Patty Wagon takes off, with the muffled screaming of the poor Pawniard being annoyed by the Ekans.)
Rhythm: Seriously? A Magnum?
Blues: Yes, maybe if you get good at your job you’ll get one too.
Rhythm: Feh… I don’t need it, the size of the gun doesn’t matter, it’s the way you use it the counts!
Blues: Is that what you tell yourself every night to help you sleep better?
Rhythm: ...Eat a dick Blues… Anyway, were those Rare Candies the same kind as before?
Blues: Yes, they are the same as before, which means the higher ups maybe around here...
(Suddenly, a black colored van is seen parking into a warehouse a little ways down the street.)
Rhythm: Yo Blues, doesn’t that van down the street look a bit “shady” to ya?
Blues: If you mean by how rusted it is and the fact I can spot some bullet shells in the front seat then yes.
Rhythm: How the fuck can you see that?!
Blues: Detective vision.
Rhythm: That’s not a thing!
Blues: Tell that to Zubatman, come one let’s investigate.
(Rhythm and Blues sneak their way down to the opened street to see what the shady black van is up to. As the boys look
to see what’s going on, they notice that a Scizor and Pinsir climb out of the van with some lace Rare Candies in hand.)
Blues: I think we found our men.
Rhythm: You sure?
Blues: Quite! Whisper you idiot! Do you want them to hear us?!
Rhythm: Oops! sorry…
Quincy: Careful there Clamps! Do you want Bane to kill us? Handle them damn candies with some more care!
Clamps: Oh I’m sorry there Quincy, it’s a little hard to be careful when I got these HUGE FRICKING CLAMPS ON MY
Quincy: It’s not my fault you were the one that sold the first laced batch to those two guys Squits and Sandy. Those two
are musta ratted on us because poor Georgie got himself arrested!
Clamps: How was I suppose to know ya fricking moron?! Bane was the one who picked them out, blame the boss not me!
Quincy: Are you trying to start something with me Clamps?!
Clamps: Yea! Wanna make something of it!
Quincy: I’ll slap you so hard, I’ll make your lazy eye straight!
Clamps: I’ll clamp off ya fricking horns and give ya another X-mark scar, only this time on ya groin tough guy!
Blues: Excellent, we have our guys!
Rhythm: PFFTTT Heheheheh!
Blues: Rhythm Shhhssss!
Rhythm: I can’t! Ha! Look at this buggy fuckers eye! Is he looking at Quincy or is he looking at the floor? Hahahah! Oh god
I’m gonna bust a gut!
(Rhythm laughs a little too loud and the buggy buggers hear the two cops.)
Quincy: Clamps wait, I think someone other than us are in this warehouse!
Clamps: Yea your right! Who's there!? I promise I won’t kill ya if ya show your ugly faces!
Rhythm: Ugly faces?! You sonofabitch!
(Rhythm grabs Blues’ Magnum out of his holster.)
Blues: What are you doing!?
Rhythm: Gonna blast this sucker that’s what!
(Rhythm jumps out of hiding.)
Rhythm: Surprise motherfucker!
Clamps: Oh geez it’s a cop! I thought you said the cops weren’t cashing us Quincy!
Quincy: How was I supposed to know! The city it crawling with cops! Besides, the boss said this was his safest safe house!
Clamps: Well the boss was wrong obviously!
Rhythm: Alright shaddap you two, I’m placed both of you two under arrest for possession and selling of illegal and laced
drugs! Oh, and I’m gonna blast you in the knee for calling me ugly!
(Rhythm prepares to fire the gun.)
Blues: Rhythm don’t!
(Rhythm fires the Magnum, the recoil of the blast is so great that it launches Rhythm backwards into the black van. The
bullet ricochets off Clamps’ head, then off Quincy’s horn, finally landed near an open flame that bursts and catches the
laced Rare Candies on fire.)
Blues: I was going to say that my gun has a hell of a kick to it before you fired it…
Rhythm: Gahh… Holy shit… Are my arms still attached to me?
Blues: Yes they are.
Clamps: AAAAHHHH! The fricking candies are on fire!
Quincy: Quick! Grab the Fire Extinguisher!
Clamps: Oh sure… Let me grab the fire extinguisher with the hands and fingers I don’t have!
Quincy: Then move it, I’ll do it!
Clamps: The hell are you waiting for?! Put them out knucklehead!
Quincy: I don’t know how to use this thing!
Clamps: Are you fricking kidding me?! I don’t have hands and I know how to use this shit!
Blues: ...Are they aware that we are going to arrest them…?
Rhythm: Hehehe! Come on Blues, let’s just watch them struggle with this task for a while, I think this shit is funny! I’d
record it if I had a camera!
(After some fumbling about, the buggy druggys put the charred remains of the laced Rare Candies out.)
Quincy: Oh man… Boss it gonna kill us when he finds out…
Clamps: You mean “IF” he finds out…
Quincy: What are you- “IF” If is good!
Clamps: Yeah but before we can worry about that shit, we got these copers to deal with…
Quincy: You're right Clamps!
Blues: Gentlemen, I highly recommend that you don’t resist arrest, it’ll only add to your criminal record, plus we have the
resources we need to take you two out if you get rowdy with us.
Clamps: Fuck you guys! You shot at us first!
Blues: But were you planning on giving up without resisting?
Quincy: Hell no!
Blues: Then it was warranted.
Rhythm: Don’t make me get the shotgun!
Clamps: Heh! You two think you can take us down?! Oh boy, you tow surely are nuts…
Quincy: We can Mega Evolve y’know, and I know for a fact you two can’t!
Blues: Mega Evolution doesn’t mean anything, Megas can easily be taken out by regular non-Mega Pokemon. Don’t let your
overconfidence get the best of you.
Clamps: But we got these on our side!
(Clamps and Quincy pull out some laced Rare Candies and eat them. The two begin to grow larger and more muscular as
they Mega Evolve to their Mega Forms.)
Blues: ...Rhythm… You may wanna pull out your shotgun now…
Rhythm: They wanna do it the hard way huh?! Okay, a shotgun blast at point blank range coming up!
(Rhythm pulls out his shotgun and points it at Clamps’ face and fires off a round, then does the same to Quincy! ...It
wasn’t very effective…)
Clamps: That tickled!
Quincy: Was that a small breeze in the wind or did I get hit with a BB-Gun?
(Clamps lifts his right claw and slaps Rhythm with it. The force knocks him into the black van. Quincy tries to grab Blues
with his head claws, but Blues jumps away and takes cover behind some oil drums.)
Blues: Rhythm! Are you okay?!
Blues: ...I’ll take that as a “no”... Come on Blues think, we are in trouble and Dark Types can’t do much to Bug Types… Okay,
what can I do?
(Blues’ hand lands in a nasty black puddle.)
Blues: ECK… I know this is a drug lab, but you think that maybe they would keep it in a cleaner state… Wait a minute…
(Blues sniffs the liquid on his hand.)
Blues: This is oil! I could use this to my advantage! Unfortunately, I’ll set this whole place a blaze and destroy any
evidence around here…
(Blues peeks over his cover to see Clamps trying to choke Rhythm out with his claws…)
Blues: Shit! ...I don’t have a choice… Rhythm is in danger and I’m not going to sit here and watch him die! I hope this plan
(Blues pops out of his cover.)
Blues: Rhythm! Close your eyes!
Rhythm: UGHHHH! WHAT?!
Blues: Just do it!
(Rhythm shuts his eyes)
Quincy: What the hell is he planning?
Clamps: Don’t know, go get him you lunkhead!
(Before Quincy can start flying toward Blues. He pulls out some sunglasses and puts them on. Next Blues takes out a
flashbang and throws it, blinding both of the Mega Bugs. In the confusion Clamps lets go of Rhythm’s neck. Blues rushes
over to save him as they rush back into more cover.)
Blues: Are you okay?
Rhythm: *Cough* *cough* Ahem! I think so… Nice quick thinking there Blues! I owe you one.
Blues: Thanks, but the next part of my plan is going to be rather dangerous…
Rhythm: And that is?
Blues: Help me lift up this oil barrel, quickly now, they’ll regain sight in a few seconds!
Rhythm: Oh! I see where this is going!
(Rhythm and Blues lift up a oil drum high over their heads.)
Clamps: Gah! ...I can’t see…! Quincy, can you?!
Quincy: I think so! Say, what are they doing with that oil drum?
(Rhythm and Blues toss the oil drum on the bugs as they get pinned under it. Blues then runs over to his gun and points it
at the drum.)
Clumps: OH SHIT! Quincy get this barrel off of us!
Quincy: I’m trying!
Clumps: Uhhh H-Heheh… You aren’t going to shot the barrel and set us on fire are you Mr. Detective?
Blues: ...If I was having a better day than no… But I’ll tell you something, today was a good day for me…
(Blues let’s off a round, the bullet hit the oil drum as it ignites and engulfs the two buggy druggys in flames. They flail
about in a panic as they bumble into more oil drums, causing the fire to spread all over the warehouse.)
Rhythm: Oh snap! Those flames are getting really big Blues!
Blues: That why I said this was dangerous! Come on, let’s get out of here!
Rhythm: Then let’s go!
(Both of them start running as Blues stops.)
Rhythm: What are you doing?!
Blues: I need to grab this document!
Blues: It’s a clue!
Rhythm: Forget the fucking clue! Do you WANT to burn to death!?
(Blues bolts over and quick nabs the document and rushes back to Rhythm.)
Blues: Okay, I got it!
(The two jump out of an opened window and run into the street for safety. As the two turn around, they notice a large
figure on top of the warehouse, summoning a vast amount of water as if out of nowhere to put out the flames.)
Rhythm: Whoa, That dude just put out the fire! I knew Nimbasa’s firefighters were good at their jobs but damn that was
Blues: I don’t think he is apart of the firefighting squad Rhythm…
Bane: Hello officers!
(On top of the warehouse stood Bane, a massive Swampert holding both Clamps and Quincy in his arms, badly burnt but
Blues: That must be Bane.
Rhythm: Look at the size of this guy! He is like twice the size on a normal Swampert!
Blues: And he isn’t even Mega Evolved either.
Rhythm: Heh! Do you even lift bro?!
Bane: Ahh, I can see that you’ve both noticed that I’m much larger than normal. That is all thanks to my scientific studies,
I was able to push my body to the extremes and beyond!
Blues: You are under arrest for all you have done Bane, I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.
Bane: I am aware of what I did detective, but I’m not going to hand myself over to you two buffoons. I don’t appreciate
the fact you burnt down my safehouse with all of my enhancement Rare Candies, not to mention my burnt buggies.
Rhythm: They forced us Bane, come quietly before I have to blast you in the face with my shotty!
Bane: You seem rather bloodthirsty Rhythm! You remind of a younger me, too bad you aren’t nearly as smart as me…
Rhythm: Fuck you Muddy mudskipper!
Blues: Easy Rhythm!
Rhythm: Nah man! I’m gonna blast his head off!
Blues: You tried that with the bugs, what makes you think it’ll work again? Save your ammo for now, I think we’ll be
needing it later.
Bane: You should listen to your partner, you will be needing that ammo for later, not that it’ll do you any good… For too
long the discovery of Mega Evolution has spilt the “usefulness” of Pokemon kind down the middle. My goal with these
“Ultra Rare Candies” as you call them are my gift to all Pokemon. I’m sick of seeing the strong stomping all over the weak,
but if I even the playing field than there will be no need for such a cast system.
Rhythm: Something tells me this fucker has been locked up for too long…
Blues: Being alone in prison tends to make one go crazy.
Bane: Call me “crazy” if you must, but I am the hero this city deserves. If you two truly wish to stop my “evil plans” then
you can come to where this all began!
(Bane tosses a piece of paper at Blues’ feet.)
Bane: I’ll look forward to seeing your demise officer Rhythm and detective Blues, and tell good old Gruffit that his old
buddy Bane misses him, about as much as a headache!
(Bane creates a giant wave and rides off into the west.)
Rhythm: Shit! Dammit Blues, we had him! He was right there for the taking!
Blues: I let him get away because I didn’t want to make things worse. Do not forget we caused some property damage.
Rhythm: But it’s an abandoned warehouse! Who the hell cares?!
Blues: The Mayor…
Rhythm: Oh… yeah…
Blues: However, Bane didn’t realize that there is quite a bit of evidence in that warehouse.
Rhythm: Yeah, one problem with that… The shit is all burnt up, and now waterlogged, it’s not like the evidence is still
Blues: You don’t know much about Detective work do you… As long as the evidences isn’t completely destroyed, we can still
use it. Besides, only a small portion of the warehouse was actually in flames; Trust me, I know what I’m doing… Besides, I
did manage to grab this document in the nick of time after all.
Rhythm: Yeah, yeah… If you say so, by the way, what’s that paper Bane towards to you?
Blues: We are about to find out.
(Blues opens the paper.)
Rhythm: ...Uhh… I don’t get it…
Blues: I think it’s… a map of some sort…
Rhythm: A really crude map at that… Is that supposed to be HQ?
Blues: Yeah, I think so, and the dotted line leads down to the market place.
Rhythm: Isn’t there a dock near that market?
Blues: Correct, that’d be Dock 44… But what does he mean by “Where it all began”...?
Rhythm: Fuck if I know… Maybe we should head back to HQ, I think the Commish my know more about this than we ever
Blues: Your right Rhythm, we need to get more info, and backup before we head after Bane again…
Rhythm: I think we’ll need to take a small army to take out Bane… Didn’t you see the size of him!?
Blues: So you want to get Tetsuo in on this action?
Rhythm: I said a small army, not an Atomic Bomb! That’s fucking overkill man…
Blues: See now why I said to save your ammo?
Rhythm: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure… Let’s just get to HQ okay?
(The boys get into their squad car and head back to Castelia City, hopeful the Commissioner will know about Bane’s
(To Be Continued…)